From a very young age I remember being told there was a God and my parents used to go to the Salvation Army every Sunday. Over time we stopped going and I hardly thought about. By Primary seven I was sure that God didn’t exist as the suffering I saw around me didn’t make sense if we had someone who could protect us. That summer my mum sent me off to a Free Church holiday club where everything I thought about God was challenged. I grew more and more curious, so I started listening to what I had been avoiding. Soon after my mum started to go back to church and I sat in Sunday school learning about Jesus, the man who came to save me.
In third year a missionary (Emily) came over from America to work with the church. She seemed to be able to explain things in a way that I could understand and relate to. For the seven months that she was working with us I asked so many questions eager to learn more. My questions were those commonly asked; If this Jesus guy did exist and cared for me then why do we suffer? Why can’t He just make everything better?
About a month before Emily left everything seemed to fall into place and all my prayers for God to reveal himself to me were answered. I remember calling her, running to her house and telling her that I wanted to be baptised. That Sunday I was baptised and for the first time sat at the Lord’s table. Even after she had left, my love for the Lord was strong and I continued to ask questions which furthered the growth of my faith.
However, after a few months my spiritual high ended and everything seemed to be a struggle. My friend group, what I wanted to do in the future, opinions I had…etc. During my last year of high school, I got really stressed and ignored God completely. I didn’t read my bible and my prayers turned from thoughtful and meaningful to cries for help but only as far as I needed Him. God became a light which I could turn off and on when it suited me. After a lot of (struggled) prayer and more questions to those who were experienced Christians I realised that my silent suffering was because I wasn’t putting any effort in. When I was met with a challenge, I would do it solo forgetting I have the most powerful and loving parent on my side. Prayers became more meaningful and I started to hang around other Christians who could encourage me.
Our walk in life is difficult but we have a caring, loving and powerful God who will hold our hand and comfort us every step of the way. We have a light in the darkness that will forever shine bright to guide us. It took me a long time to understand that, but my life has completely changed now that I do.